Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Green Zebra?

Who would've come up with a name like that?
You'd think that whoever came up with that name was lacking imagination!

I thought Zebras were black and white?
What's with the green name with a Zebra?
A Zebra that ain't been broke yet?

How much is a "broke" Green Zebra worth?
Nothing! He's broke!
Then how much is a Green Zebra worth?
About 4.95 per lb.

What's black and white and red all over?
Answer: Outside of a newspaper it could be a Red Zebra.
Maybe a Green Zebra is a newspaper published by the Greenies?

Didn't I see mention of a Black Zebra?
Yeah, redundantly oxymoronic, isn't it?
BTW, what colors are the stripes on a Black Zebra?
If you said black on black, you'd be wrong.
Go to Trader Joe's and look for one in the produce isle.

Oh, wait a minute, did someone say tomato?
What's with this guy who developed such a tomato?
Didn't he like regular red tomatoes?
Tomatoes are supposed to be red, period, end of story!
Why green?
When do you know when it is ripe?
What do you call a Green Zebra when it is not ripe?
A green Green Zebra?

So let me get this straight.
A green Green Zebra is still green when it is ripe.
So it must mean that when a green Green Zebra turns ripe it becomes an Amber Green Zebra?
If I look at a color chart for amber, I find these color shades for amber. Hat tip to: think those colors are Hexes. If I know anything about colors, adding those colors to a ripe Green Zebra tomato would look mighty strange.
Keep your hexes for your exes!!!!

Illustrate your thoughts if somebody says to pick Green Zebra when the fruits turn Macaroni and Cheese; or Atomic Tangerine!
You'd have to pick up your thoughts off the ground, brush off the dirt and start over!

Oh, somebody nudged me and said the reason a ripe Green Zebra looks amber (*#@%), pun intended, is that the epidermis of a Green Zebra has a yellow (say amber) skin if you would peel the fruit.

I get it!
The flesh color of green coming through the yellow epidermis looks amber.

Wait a gosh darned minute!
What color is the epidermis when the fruit is not ripe.
What? It just magically turns the epidermis yeller when the fruit is ripening.
Somebody needs to go talk with the breeder of the Green Zebra and find out what he or she thinks.

I hope growers of Green Zebra tomatoes aren't color blind.
On top of that try picking for amber Green Zebras in the shadier areas.
That is like looking for a shadow in total darkness!
Of course, it would help it the durn grower was totally blind!
Then the grower would have to grope the tomatoes to feel for a bit of "give" or maybe use the old olfactory nose,
or "Yikes" take a bite!
Yes, the breeder said a bite of Green Zebra when it is time is like a bite of heaven - tangy to the point of getting a kick from the old Zebra.
Conversely a bite of Green Zebra before or after its time is __________.

Wait another fool second!
You mean to tell me that large growers would be better off if they would hire the blind to pick Green Zebra?
Yesiree Tom!
Hire the handicapped!
Just imagine a crew of blind men, just a feelin' up the tomatoes and selecting the sweet tangy ones just by feel.
Yes, they would do a far better job than the idiot pickers they normally have and have a smile on their faces to boot.

What would say to a contract labor group picking Green Zebra?
Anything but English!
Pechan por favor sólo los maduros.
Las frutas del tomate que dan un poco cuando usted los aprieta.
Los tomates son todavía verdes cuándo maduro.
Los unos de rasgones miran un poco ámbar.

I love the response:

But..but..don't go away, you say.
What height do the pickers have to be to pick Green Zebras?
If you have indeterminant vines on your Green Zebras, do you need the basketball team out there to pick?
If the plants are determinants, go hire kids out of the primary grades.
You say why not teenagers?
You ever try to get a teenager to do anything?

But stop right there! I heard from the breeder of Green Zebra that the vine can be rather (Facultative): rather capable of adapting to different conditions. BTW, the opposite of facultative is obligate.

So as a grower of Green Zebra for the first time, it is your obligation to dictate how to grow!
However, don't let the neighbors see you talking (obligating) down to your Zebras. They think tomato hobbyists are nuts as it is.

I hear from the tomato vine that the breeder of Green Zebra has a new kind of Green Zebra tomato. It has a clear epidermis making it almost impossible to tell when the fruit is ripe. The breeder says it is so hard to know when to pick that going out at midnight is the best way to pick.
Mr. Whipple would be so proud. Charmin' story that, eh?

Going back to how tall the Green Zebra get.
Have you grown that other green when ripe with green striped tomato called Green Sausage or Greensleeves?
How tall do you have to be to pick them, you ask?

Most married people I know have spouses.
Before picking these Greensleeves, go talk to your spouse about how fat they look; get belittled or otherwise cut down to size and go pick!
The plant isn't called Greensleeves for nothing as you have to be down on your knees and sleeves just to pick!
After you pick the tomatoes, go back inside and tell the spouse,
"Look, Honey!" "Green Sleeves!" and get cut down to size even more by being told to do your own laundry from now on.

Tom Wagner
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